Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
