He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
