There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There are leaves in my underwear?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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