Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
