I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize