Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
