Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
