Your tits are I can't wait for
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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