God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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