oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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