so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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