thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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