just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
