Swine flu is the new snow day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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