All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize