you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
