and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
