this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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