i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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