therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
