She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
