I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
