I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
