dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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