I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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