Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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