White coat. Heels.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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