does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
