Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
