I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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