I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
