Cold hands, warm shart.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize