If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
