Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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