he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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