clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
