we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
