I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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