Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize