Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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