i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This baby is an asshole
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
