So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
