Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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