just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
