mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just pee around me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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