Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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