My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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