She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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