Nicole vs. Life
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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