he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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