I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
