the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
