All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
