She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
