DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
