Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
