he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
