I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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