i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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