I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
