Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
