Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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