yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How external is "for external use only"?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
